That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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