just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
