connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
