Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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