everyone is single if you try hard enough
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
