dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
