it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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