Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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