Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
