tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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