Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
