someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
