And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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