Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
