well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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