there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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