Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize