Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
