mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
