smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
