ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
