Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my being single is dangerous.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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