u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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