Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
