i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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