Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
