Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Be still, my beating vagina.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
