Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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