Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
