dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
