Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
