I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
