well most of my day revolves around power hour
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
