"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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