His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize