Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
