Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
