Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
