..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
