She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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