their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
