Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
