im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize