remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
