we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
