Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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