Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
