SEEEEXXX PLEASE
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Randomize
