nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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