Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So. Much. Porn.
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