I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
