I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
