I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize