Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
