If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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