wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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