Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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