threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My vagina just recognized that song.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
