apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
