he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize