Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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