I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
