Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize