i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
