well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
