I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
