I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
