Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
pray to the hookup gods
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
