On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
