i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
