Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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