sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
