but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize