why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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