she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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