I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
