He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize