let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
