You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
