I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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